LEARN AGENTSPEAK
TO AVOID DISAPPOINTMENT!

You find estate agents' advertisements misleading and a little too optimistic?
Why not learn their language and avoid disappointment!
Here are some of the more commonly used euphemisms
and what the words really mean :

• “Architect designed” – totally impractical!
• “Master built” - the doors fit!
• “Owner built” – the doors don't fit!
• “Charming” – chintz and a garden gnome!
• “Interesting” – designed by the Adams family!
• “Totally secluded” – we dare you to find it!
• “Quiet location” – adjoins the graveyard!
• “Convenient location” – adjoins a shopping mall!
• “Walk to beach” – fitness freaks only!
• “Slight sea views” – take binoculars!
• “Outstanding sea views” – overpriced!
• “Breaker views'' – hugely overpriced!
• ‘'Absolute beach front'' – everything rusts!
• “Neat little home” – can't swing a cat!
• ‘'Rambling country mansion'' – can't ever find the cat!
• ‘'Productive smallholding'' – weeds and marijuana!
• ‘'Executive lifestyle'' – double garage!
• ‘'Entertainer's delight'' – pool deck!
• ‘'Tropical fantasy'' – palm tree on pool deck!
• ‘'Ideal B&B'' – 4 beds, 2 baths, part-converted SQ!
• ‘'Needs TLC'' – total rebuild required!
• ‘'Granny flat – part-converted garage!
• ‘'Bargain buy'' – the price is fair!
• “Incredible value” – just a little overpriced!
• ‘'This one won't last'' – ho hum!
• ‘'Unbelievable opportunity'' – a fool and his money..…!
• ‘'The property pays for itself''' – not in your lifetime!
• ‘'On millionaires row'' – Even the agent can't afford it!

  
  

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